Attack of the Clones Live Blog

Well, here comes another live blog! This ought to end well…actually, I doubt that. This will feature: Crazy Stalker Anakin, awesome car chase, adorable Anidala moments, and so much more! Read that in a commercial announcer voice, please and thank you. Well, here goes nothing!
Title screen feels…

Shivering at the 20th century fox logo…this is sad.
This is rated PG.

20th Century Fox has returned.


Humming the theme song

Here comes the crawl…

Attack of the Clones!


Senator Amidala! She’s the legit best.

Ooh, is that Coruscant?

Whoa. Awesome ship there, bro.

OMG Corde’s hair though!

I know what’s happening.


You were still wrong, man

Whoop, there it goes. Le awesome ship has exploded.

NO! Corde! Depressed Padme is the legit worst.

Why did I pause it on dead Corde?

Everything is depressing.

He looks like Nick Fury.

No. Not Palpatine!

Whoa. That guy’s head is huge!

It is Nick Fury right there!


Yea, it will come to war. It’s called Star WARS.


Jar Jar Binks!


Whoa. Comic Con hair going strong.

Spice miners?

Yes, it is, Mace Windu.

Protection is good.

Is that Shakespeare?

Padme shade.

Obi-Wan! That’s always good.

Ew, no, Palpatine. You’re the reason she dies!

Anakin looks like Justin Beebs.

Nest of Gundarks? Can I see this please?

Of course he’s sweaty. His crush is here!

Jar Jar!

Anakin and Obi-Wan are here.

Padme’s like…oh this is interesting.

That is NOT little Ani. That is big Ani. 

He’s messing up compliments.

Anakin has a man bun/ponytail.

I do too.

I should hope so!

Anakin was so wrong here…he’s got a crush on little Miss Awesome.

Judging Anakin’s bad teenage decisions.

Padme’s the best.

Jar Jar’s awesome.

Uh oh. Depressed Anakin. 


I’m Anidala trash today.

Ooh, bounty hunter woman. 

Epic car chase coming on.

No one wants you stalking them, Anakin! 

She’s awake still. 

Sure it was.

Anakin’s freaking me out with his mind sensy thingy. 

Here comes bounty hunter lady with that poison stuff.

IDK either Anakin.

Stalker alert! 

No, she’s a different kind of politician. A cool one.

R2, go alert them!

Eeew… those are worm earwig things.

There goes R2. 

How does she sleep propped on her hand like that?

Palpatine IS corrupt!

There is a disturbance in Padme-land.

He just went at her with a lightsaber to kill those worm doohickeys!

Obi-Wan is epic, no questions asked.


Anakin’s so chill right now.

What was that thing?

Poo doo?

There’s Zam the bounty hunter lady!

Obi-Wan freefall directly into Anakin’s car.


I love these banter moments. 

Whoa. Divebomb!

Anakin’s havin fun and Obi-Wan’s terrified.

He was a pod racer. Much more- nope, never mind.

Oh flibberdigibits.

Electrocution by power couplings. 

Anakin is making bad life choices.

That’s not a he, guys.

Zam seems bored.

Terrible shortcut. 

Whoop, Anakin freefall.

Whoa. EPIC!

You’re lucky you’re a Jedi.

Did she just grow gills?

This speeder’s goin down hard.

Look out, innocent people!

Anakin just fell off.

And now we chase into a…bar?

Was that E.T?

Because he literally will be the death of you, Obi-Wan…

Robo soccer!

Ooh, changeling.

Obi-Wan sass.

What’s a death stick?

I love mind tricks.

OMG she has a gun! Open your eyes Anakin!

Never mind, that was Obi-Wan she wanted.

Go back to your drinks.

She’s after Padme!

Anger issues!

Oop, she dead.

It’s E.T.

Don’t touch the toxic things, Obi!

Oh, don’t put Anakin in charge of protecting Padme!

She might.

Palpatine, would you shut up.

His feelings are love for Padme and some other stuff I can’t list.

Nothing’s more powerful than Yoda!

Yoda’s floating in the air on a chair thingy.

Pride will be people’s downfall.

He will not be able to balance the Force.

Why is Jar Jar being put in charge?

Padme is the best. She’s my favorite character in the whole franchise.

Ooh, she’s angry. Watch out.

Yes, it’s been ten years. Of course he’s grown up.

Yes, he is. 

He’s levitating a golden sphere. 

You are so wrong. Obi-Wan is right. You are unpredictable.

I don’t think Padme’s 100% listening, but she has some good points.

Oh gosh…he’s scaring her.

It makes us all uncomfortable too.

OMG what was that face, Anakin!

If you’re trying to be refugees, why are you wearing a fancy headdress, or is that natural? Can I have an answer here?

Anakin’s wearing a smock.

She has better reasons to be scared.

R2 is awesome. 

He will. He’s Anakin.

I’m concered for both of them doing something stupid sometimes. They are still rather young.

Diner droid. 

It’s Dex of Dex’s Diner!

What’s Jawa Juice?

How do you hug something with 4 arms?

Ooh, cloners from Kamino.

The archves are incomplete.

He has a point.

What’s a parsec?


Cash money is what Kaminoans want.

The archives look like a giant library.

Obi’s always right.

She sounds like an angry google page. “If we do not have it, it is not real.”

R2 just blew raspberries at another droid who said no droids…

Oh geez, Anakin logic that’s broken.

Possession is not love. That is called relationship abuse.

Okay, he’s scaring me now.

Ooh, Yoda and the Younglings!

Younglings are the cutest.

Yoda’s awesome.

I want to be in that star reader thingy.

Did they purposely get deleted.

That youngling has it right.

Yoda’s awesome. 

Yes, Dooku was a Jedi.

Meditating Yoda is awesome.

No, I think that might be Coruscant. I don’t know.

14 year olds shouldn’t be queen.

You can elect a queen?

I can read Anakin’s mind right now.

A civil war would be bad.

That is awesome hair, old man.

Padme has legit awesome hair.

Ooh, he just got Padme sassed.

Let her be in charge of navigating Naboo.

I think he zoned out and just agreed with her.

That is an awesome ship.

We’ve located Kamino!

It always rains there. IDK why though.

Why is his hair wet? He had a hood.

Weird alien critter.

Always. What? She said after all these years!

OMG that one’s even weirder.

His name is Lama. As in Llama.

Whoa, cool chair.

That’s a lot of clones.

Who was Sifo-Dyas? Dooku, of course! I feel certain of that.

Never mind the previous statement.

Oh no…Anakin hand petting…

Padme’s reminiscing on good times while Anakin pets her hand.

He does have a point about sand getting every where.

Never wear a barebacked dress near the guy who will stalk you. He pets you.

Oh gosh. Now they’re kissing. The Anidala is so strong.

And then she broke it off.

She shouldn’t have done that, she says. The fangirl says yes she should!

Clones are weird when they…hatch? Are born? Are created?

I’d hate having clones of myself.

Jango Fett!

Why would he want a clone, I wonder? It’s a thing called brutal evil.

Welcome to clone land, Obi-Wan.

Ooh, Padme’s best outfit in the whole series.

So she cannot be mind-tricked.

Ooh, don’t talk about Palo here.

Ooh, Artists are cool.

Is he slowly insulting her? Or is that snarkasm?

She has points.

Dictators are never good.

He is making fun of you.

Anidala’s the best.

He’s riding a thingy.

OMG It ran over him! 

Yeah, he’s alive and laughing.

She smacked him.

And they’re rolling around.

So much for not loving.

In Kamino, the forecast is rainy. Like always.

Little Boba!

I have a hard time remembering that Jango is a legit human sometimes.

Boba’s like…why are you doing interrogations.

He’s got a good poker face.

Tyranus…sounds like Tyrant to me.

He’s about to get killed. 

Jango, not Obi-Wan!

Never mind that last part.

Oop, they’re out of here.

Aggressive negotiations!

Negotiations with a lightsaber.

He’s levitating a pear.

Wait, is that actually a pear?

No, he’s feeding her pear using the Force.

Oh gosh. Life story time!

That’s kind of creepy.

So she scoots away and he gets closer.

Facepalming from Anakin being a slight idiot.

Trying to be deep but failing.

She seems disturbed.

She is, trust me.

It’s possible, but it’s just not going to work.

Yeah, listen to her! She’s rational. Usually.

Yes, she is. 

That’s true. He has no rationality. He admits it!

Yes, it would. 

You can try to keep it secret.

He probably could. I mean, he ends up Darth Vader.

And it’s still raining.

Kaminoans look like Voldemort spawn.

This is the assassin we are looking for.

I love Yoda. I’ve said this before.

Bring Jango here? I have a feeling this won’t work out.

We all blind!

Your Force ability has not diminished.

Oop, Anakin nightmare about Shmi. 

We must go to Tatooine!

Or stand on the balcony, whatever.

I like that dress too.

How does he know she’s?…

She heard you screaming.

And yes, Jedi can have nightmares. 

Anidala is beautiful.

We still must go to Tatooine!

Yes, she can go with you. 

And it’s raining again.

Ooh, here comes a battle with Jango and Obi-Wan.

I have a bad feeling about this…

How can Boba alrady manuever that ship?

Bounty hunter in training!

Obi-Wan is also awesome.

Oh, he lost his lightsaber. Exactly what he tells Anakin NOT to do!

Obi realizes not to kick the guy who he is tied to off the edge of things.

Especially not when that person’s a highly trained bounty hunter.

Climbing in the rain is hard. Especially in a metal suit.

Automatic doors make him feel like a Jedi too. Oh wait, he is a Jedi.

It’s gonna blow!

I still think Padme has an awesome ship. Comes with being senator, I guess.

Ooh, I like that carriage.

It’s Watto! 

He’s not just any Jedi, Watto. He’s your old slave!

Moment of realization.

Little Ani was adorable back then. 

He’s not here to help you get cash, Watto.

It’s the father of Uncle Owen!

Padme’s just looking around.

Mos Eisley!

It’s futuristic Saturn!

Obi’s awesome ship has returned!

They are definitely being tracked, Boba.

Evil starts young.

Seismic charges. Pretty much a mini atomic bomb.

Yet really awesome in the same sense.

Obi wil stop at nothing.

Relax, Boba. Jango knows his stuff.


I love this movie.

Ooh, this sounds interesting.

Intergalatic missile wars.

Release the extra stuff to throw it off your tail!

I want an astromech droid.

He’s smart, see Jango!

How wrong he is.

How smart Obi-Wan is.

The Slave I looks like a face with a big nose.

Let’s bounce, R4!

What planet is that?

I think one of those sandworm things is going to show up. Then again, I’m having OT flashbacks.

Yay, we’ve found Shmi’s house!

Does Tatooine have two moons as well?


Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru!

Wait, wrong trilogy.

Mr. Lars! 

Shmi’s vanished…dang Tuskan Raiders.

What’s a vaporator? Moisture farmer thingy.

26 DIED?

No one give up on Shmi.

Angry Anakin.

He will not accept it until he sees her body.

Padme’s depressed.

She’s wearing fancy clothes. They look good on her too.

She will be safe.


He might be long. We don’t know.

Awesome speeder, dude.

Ooh, he’s angry now.

They seem like Jawas…maybe they are. IDK really.

Jango battle time.

I think…

Oooh, we’re on Geonosis! Gee, I’m stupid.

DOOKU IS HERE! And he’s Saruman!

What’s a viceroy?

Geesh, you’re confident.

That’s a robot representative.

It’s Voldemort.

Ooh, a great army.

They will not, Dooku!

Uh oh. Here comes Sandperson death.

Those are not Jawas.

No, definitely not Jawas.


I can’t watch this.

Why is there a T cut into her cheek?



Sense this, Yoda can.

Of course he’s in pain! His mother just DIED.

Anakin is not on Naboo.

We know that now.

Is that a cockroach?


R2, can you record things?

Anakin is not speaking.

Padme’s shocked.

He’s fiddling with tools. Don’t anger a man while he’s using tools.

Anidala is so cute.

^^ Sorry, random.

He will be all powerful, but not as a Jedi, sadly enough.

I wish you could stop Padme from dying.

Stop blaming this on Obi.

I like that dress as well.

Yes, can we have something new to know please?

How can you tell if a sandperson is-I don’t want to know.

He’s off his rocker today.



Yeah, you are. 

Padme’s a good comforter.

Dagnabbit, a funeral!

I like that wheelchair.

I think this is where Ani started going a little insane.

I like that outfit on Padme as well.

R2’s just scooting around.

We need to leave, R2 says.

Oh, Padme’s hair looks nice. 

I don’t want him to kill Padme!

And he won’t.

Geonosis is a frightening place.

You know Anakin. He won’t listen.

White is Padme’s action color.

Since when have you listened to Mace Windu, Anakin?

And Padme’s honestly the best here.

Oh yeah.. Geonosis is legitimately the best.

It’s Shakespeare again!

It’s an Avatar!

Padme knows what to do.

Aww, Jar Jar feels rejected!


That’s because he is, Obi.

Jango Fett…I shall murder him.

Christopher Lee is the best ever.

We all miss Qui-Gon.

Oh good grief.

The Dark Lord being Palpatine.

Padme isn’t. I don’t think.

Every time I hear Dark Lord I think Voldemort…


Yes, we can tell.

Jar Jar politics is awesome.


Not Palpatine!

You do not love either of those, you idiot!

*facepalms again*

Yoda’s going to Kamino!

Mace Windu’s going to help Obi.

Geonosis is a cool place.

Don’t park in a place spewing steam!

Padme’s still the legit best.

Yes, don’t argue with her.

No, they wouldn’t. 3PO’s wrong.

I like that cloak.

I love R2 and 3PO arguments.



Angry cockroaches.

Whoa. Droid factory.

Padme can hold her own here.

Told ya.

She’s awesome.

Confused 3PO.

I love 3PO.

R2 can fly ? Why can’t 3PO fly?

Padme might get roashed with hot lava.

It took 3PO’s head!

Battle droid head on 3PO, and vice versa.

Epic Jedi Force jump.

Oh dear…I have a bad feeling about this.

Moment of panic.

R2, save us all!

Thank you, Astromech droid.

Meanwhile, Anakin has his arm stuck in a thing and he lost his lightsaber.

Yes, he will kill you. 

Go Padme! Dominate those Geonosians!

Ooh, here comes Anidala. I feel it.

Of course I’m afraid!

^^Never mind, she isn’t.



Anakin, stahp trying to make her change her mind.


I’m having Hunger Games flashbacks.

Obi-Wan is questioning things.

I love Padme’s hair right here.

Can you feel the sarcasm, dripping form Obi’s voice!

Oh dear…excecution time.

What is that critter?

And that thing? A crab?

That’s an angry lizard.

Anakin has a bad feeling about this too. It’s mutual.

Padme just unlocked herself.

She’s got this figured out.

Use the Force!

Thank you for listening, Anakin.

OOH, face slap.

Oh crud. Injury alert!

Anakin down!

Padme is being Tarzan.

I don’t like the sound of these critters.

Dead Geonosian.


It has a nose ring!

Ride that not-Rancor!

Angry praying mantis, anyone?

Ride to safety on the weird nose ring thing.

Obi-Wan’s third wheeling the mini death date thing.

Oh crap. Shieldy droid things.

Mace Windu’s here!

Ooh, Purple lightsaber!

I like this.

Decapitate him right here!

Oh crud. Droids.

And Jango the Human Flamethrower.

Was that a lightsaber high five?

Where’d she get a blaster?

Confused 3PO.

That Jedi was a Deadi.

^^bad pun.

Jango’s about to die. I sense it in the Force.

There he goes.

And Boba was watching! Brutal. Confused 3PO is back.

Padme is being protected, sort of.

Aggressive negotiations!!!!

The critter!

Kill it, Obi-Wan!

Bad puns by 3PO coming.

Oh, there’s one.

I love 3PO.

I like Jedi too.

Something’s messed up. Why did battle stop?

Windu won’t die! Yet!

Rebel ships!

^^Wait, wrong trilogy.


Good stormtroopers? What?

I love droids.

Uh oh. Angry and sad Boba.

Shoot it!


The table looks like sushi.

They are JEDI, that’s why.

Ooh, golden clone trooper.

Spider thing?

Whoa, that thing looks awesome.

Rolling space tanks.


Sushi table has returned.

What the heck is that?


Coruscant is not a happy place is it?

Cool speeder, Dooku.

And we are having an epic battle.


Rippling wall of dust.

Shoot the Dooku!

Padme can help, Obi!


I hate when this happens.

He doesn’t have senses.

Do what Padme would do. She is rational.

Here comes a Dooku/Yoda face-off…

Soemthing blew up.

Maybe Yoda comes later, IDK.


Awesome lightsaber war.

Anakin is injured.

Padme is not okay.

^^Actually, I don’t know.

Yeah, she’s fine.

Obi’s arm twitched.

Epic Ani moment.

Ooh, double lightsabers.


This is so cool.

Here comes Yoda!

Whoa, Yoda is the man!

Yoda’s got skills.

Yoda mini lightsaber.

This. is. legit. awesome.

Can I hug Yoda?

That’s not fair, Count Doodoo!

Skywalkers, they’re bad at keeping hands!

You go Padme!

Oops, we’re leaving Geonosis.

That’s a cool ship.

Padme has arrived!

That was a legit parachute.

That’s a pretty sky.

But the ground’s a toxic wasteland, it seems.


^^Firebreather moment.

Oh dear…Sidious is here…PALPATINE!

I hate the Chancellor.

Don’t ever believe Dooku. Except for right now. He has a point today.

Don’t let Ani do that alone!

War never has victory.

Listen to Yoda.

Clone war!

That must be CGI. No other explanation for all them marching in synchronization.

Ships full of clones.




I’m sorry, that wasn’t supposed to happen.

Ah, that was fun. Now I must go to bead, as it’s 10:40. Ciao!


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