The Two Towers Live Blog

At long last…Leese live blogs TTT! And I’m blogging from my new Teen Cave place area thingy.

Ooh, snazzy snowy mountains. Me love!!

So dramatic! So snowy! Leese wanna go!

Not to mention the Fab music.

NONONONONO NOT AGAIN!

YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

DON’T DO IT NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

ACK NO NOT THE WHIP NOT THE WHIP OF DOOM!

DRAMATIC BOROMIR HAIR WHIP

GANDALF!

FLY YOU FOOLS.

NOOOOOO!

Shmancy fighting montage

This is so dramatic…I love it.

Get rekt Balrog

This is a vortex o flame

STAB IM! STAB IM!

That’s some swaggy music

Frodo has some nightmares.

Sam is concerned. 

IT IS NOT NOTHING FRODO

IT IS NOT JUST A DREAM

The Two Towers

Hiking

Intense hiking

Mordor…yes, Sam.

Yes, we’re lost, Sam. 

This is deep. 

THE EYE IS WATCHING YOU

Yes, it’s the Ring. We need to dunk that in a volcano. 

Lembas, Lembas, and more Lembas. 

Nom nom nom. 

I wanna eat it. 

WE’RE GOING IN CIRCLES

Nope. Y’all ain’t alone. 

 No Gollum. Nonononono. Stealing is bad.

GO SAM! DESTROY HIM BOI!

Intense fighting. 

Gollum, quit it. That be creepy. 

AGHHHH!

DO NOT HURT SAMWISE GAMGEE

Yes, Frodo, kill him now. 

Whoa… that was dramatic. 

Just cut it anyway.

Quit your whining, Gollum. 

RIP

Insert Gandalf quote here

Gollum, we shall not pity you.

Can we record that, Frodo? “There’s no promise you can make that I can trust.”

You don’t have the Precious. You cannot swear on it. 

Thank you, Sam. 

He probably will throttle you.

Yes, he does, but he will do bad things. 

He has, but doesn’t want to speak of it. 

Intense rock climbing. 

YAS THE THREE HUNTERS/ MERRY AND PIPPIN

PIPPIN MY SMOL BEAN

Man flesh

Aragorn. 

Run.

Yes, they’ve been on your trail. 

Good plan, Pip. 

Aragorn knows things. 

Come, Gimli!

Gimli is me…i don’t run.

MUSIC INTENSIFIES

That is such gorgeous scenery…

THEY FOUND THE LEAF NO NO NO THAT MAKES ME CRY

YES LEGOLAS BE POSITIVE

Gimli is me

I’m not a natural sprinter but ya know. 

I want to live in Middle-earth. 

Aragorn and his monologue.

THEY’RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD

Saruman…

Oh, not you. 

*sobs bc of Christopher Lee*

UNION OF THE TWO TOWERS

YOU SHALL NOT RULE

There’s that darn Eye again…

DON’T HURT THE TREESS

It will not burn…not yet at least…

Gosh this makes me sad and it’s so deep too…

EWIE

No, don’t corrupt those poor humans

NOT ROHAN

Eothain run!

THIS MAKES ME SAD

Freda, you must go. They’ll get you otherwise. 

I’m gonna cry now. 

RUN YOU CHILDREN! DON’T DIE IN THE WRECKAGE!

THEODRED! 

ROHAN!

EOWYN!

Nonono don’t die on us Theodred!

He’s very badly wounded.

LISTEN TO YOUR NIECE AND NEPHEW

GRIMA SHUT THE CRAP UP

Eomer is awesome

Eowyn, that death glare was fab. 

SHUT UP GRIMA

YAS EOMER YOU KNOW THINGS

EOWYN RUN 

YAS GIRL SLAYYY

Eomer is classy protective brother

GRIMA SHUT UP

DON’T DO THAT

BAD GRIMA

Gimli is lagging behind a lot

Keep breathing, that’s the key. 

HE SLOWED DOWN FOR THE CAMERA LOL

Gimli you are my spirit animal

Do not abuse Merry and Pippin! Rude!

Pippin is literally me…my friends call me Pippin…

DON’T CUT DOWN THE TREES

THEY’RE GROANING

YOU’VE HURT THEM

Merry knows what’s up

This is so amazing

Merry gets this 

THREE STINKING DAYS

Because the only meat is the Hobbits

NO EATING ME AND MY BESTIE

THEY DO TOO 

THEY DO NOT

Get destroyed

THE RIDERS OF ROHANNNN!!

DESTROY them all, Riders!

Kick him, Pip!

That sound was not human. 

Ooh, get rekt. 

Slice!

Dice!

Death!

OHH I HATE THIS PART (I STILL LOVE IT BUT YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN)

Ima do that tomorrow morning if the sun is red.

Run, Gimli!

THIS SCENE IS AMAZING

Dramatic much, Aragorn?

WHAT NEWS FROM THE MARK?

I’m going to die…if I were in Middle-earth I’d want to be a Rider of Rohan…

Eomer is awesome. 

This exchange is my favorite thing on the planet. This is why i love TTT.

YOU WOULD DIE BEFORE YOUR STROKE FELL

Possibly RIP Legolas

Not gonna talk about Thranduil. Good.

Oh, that’s depressing. 

EOMOER KNOWS WHAT’S UP

Yep, he’s cunning alright. 

You assuming that the Hunters are spies?

Aww they’re so concerned for Merry and Pippin

The defeat in their eyes makes me so sad…

Hasufel! Arod!

Eomer has so many deep quotes.

Aragorn is like “ooh horsey!”

Ride! Ride! Ride!

Ew, nasty. 

that probably smells nice.

Gimli’s smart. Use the tabar to pick through it.

AUGHHHHH!

Legit screams of pain

They crawled

Their bonds were cut

This is so well organized

I love this part of the movie.

THEY CAN FIT UNDERNEATH A HORSE WHOA

How 3 anger an orc

Ooh, Fangorn. 

Gimli is suspicious of the forest.

That’s a sketchy forest when you first se it. 

This part gives me legit shivers

HE IS NOT GONE

DEFINITELY NOT GONE

JUMP SCARE

MERRYYYYY

Pippin is disturbed by Treebeard

No, don’t run Merry!

I am no tree!

Yes, Merry, a treehearder.

DON’T TALK TO IT MERRY!

Yes talk to it Merry.

I love that line.

I CARE FOR THE WOODS!

Shirefolk! 

IT’S NOT ORC MISCHIEF

I PROMISE

That sounds terrible, especially if you’re also a tree. 

White Wizard! Oh no!

Aagh no bad place to switch perspectives no no no!

Yes, Sam, it’s a bog. And a nasty one at that

AAGH THIS PLACE SCARES THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME

I can’t watch

I can’t watch

I can’t watch

Even the looks of it are scary

DON’T LOOK AT THEM SAM

Nasty…

It’s giving me shivers.

The Dead Marshes…

Never follow the lights.

That’s pretty grim there, Gollum.

FRODO STOP

YOU’RE MAKING BAD CHOICES

Dramatic fainting 

3.2.1.

NO NO NO 

THIS IS A BIG PILE OF NOPE

NOPITY NOPE NOPE NOPE

THIS SCARES ME

THANK YOU GOLLUM

FOR ONCE

YOU MADE ME NOT FREAK OUT

He is not okay 

Frodo that’s a lil scary

Don’t pet the Ring. 

Not as creepy as Gollum.

MUSTN’T ASK US

He was a Hobbit

Smeagol. 

That was your name once, wasn’t it?

A long time ago. 

Aww…this makes me pity Gollum. 

HIDE HIDE!

NOT THE BLACK RIDERS!

That’s freaky as crap. 

They can’t die, Sam. 

AND THEY’VE GOT FELLBEASTS NOW GREAT

WRAITHS ON WINGS

*high pitched squealing* Is it from Leese or the movie? Who knows. 

Is it gone? Please be gone!

HURRY BEFORE THEY COME BACK AND SCARE THE BEJEEZIES OUT OF ME!

And now the Hunters have gone into Fangorn. 

They’re Treebeard tracks.

Older than you, Legolas?

Legolas looks scared.

Gimli violence is bad. 

Ooh, intense. 

Quite possibly. 

They’re all readying their weapon.

STRIKE!

Ooh, that worked…NOT.

That is one awesome voice modification. 

GANDALF!

It can too be. 

Gandalf looks so happy. 

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

GO GANDALF!

R.I.P. Balrog. 

He gone. 

Did he go meet the Doctor?

So being given life makes you choke on air? Cool. Sign me up. 

I adore this movie. 

SHADOWFAX! AWESOME WHISTLING! 

That’s so majestic. 

The Lord of all Horses

Can all Istari summon Shadowfax? 

Yay Treebeard

Thump. Thump. Thump. 

#bringbacktheEnts

The Black Gates are a scary place.

That is one weird sounding horn. I wanna play it. Maybe it’s a flugelhorn. 

They’re opening

Run! 

*dramatically rolls down hill like Sam*

Hide him, fast!

Those guys have some snazzy weapons. 

Orc language!

TAKE IT TO HIM! Well, to Mordor, but you know what I mean. That came out wrong.

 A secret pathway with a giant spider. 

I THOUGHT THAT YOU COULDN’T TRUST ANY PROMISE GOLLUM MADE!

Listen to Sam. Sam knows things. 

Frodo, quit bossing. 

That death glare though. 

Awesome music, yet again.

EDORAS MORE LIKE EDORYAS!

Why must Eowyn be the bringer of bad news? 

Unfortunately he will not. 

You will be welcomed eventually. 

Eowyn no don’t cry!

GRIMA GO AWAY YOU SCARE ME!

SHUT UP BOI

DO NOT PET HER!

SLAYY EOWYN!

*facepalm*

STOP PETTING HER

Slap him. 

Or roast him. Either one. 

That is such a gorgeous image. 

DON’T BE SAD

There goes the symbolic flag. 

Edoras is so pretty. 

I wanna horse. 

Aragorn don’t cheat on Roch. 

It’s the guy whose name escapes me! Ya know, that red haired guy!

You would not part an old man from his walking stick. 

I love how he leans on Legolas right here. 

And he’s disguised as Gandalf the Gray. 

Stormcrow! That’s my favorite name for him. 

Ill news is an ill guest. 

Roasted!

Be free, Theoden!

You have no power here, Gandalf the Gray. 

Eowyn, we promise that he’s helping. 

Be gone. 

That was well orchestrated. 

THEODEN! MY FAVORITE KING! (BESIDES ARAGORN!)

Give him the sword! Yas! 

I love the horse heads on the hilt. They look so great. 

Eowyn is so happy. 

The look of wonder in his eyes is priceless.

YAS GET REKT GRIMA

I vote to kill him. 

Aragorn quit it. 

Bow to him!

That makes me so sad. 

Preach it, Theoden. 

NO DON’T MAKE ME SAD

Eowyn is caring for the Children. 

No, don’t make me sad, Small one!

Go get the Riders. 

Eomer can too help us. 

Aragorn, don’t tick him off. 

TOO LATE. 

Gimli, nice job ruining the moment. 

Bad idea. Even though Helm’s Deep is my second favorite battle. 

I want a Shadowfax. 

First light on the fifth day. Got it. 

Oh, this scene is awkward for us Farawyn shippers. 

Some skill? Honey, she’s got TONS of skill. 

A cage. 

That’s so deep. 

Shieldmaidens do not give up. 

It’s so gloomy. 

GRIMA QUIT IT

 Only a heartless turd would attack right now. But Saruman is a heartless turd so…

Gollum you are so clumsy. 

Sam is right about Gollum. 

He can’t. Save yourself the effort.

FRODO NO! NO SNAPPY SNAPPY!

Both of you apologize. Naow. 

Mine. 

Wicked! Tricksy! False!

This scene is very well orchestrated as well. 

This reminds me of the war with the voice in my head sometimes. You know, that voice called anxiety? Yeah. That one. 

Master is ditching his best friend for you. You’d better be grateful. 

LEAVE NOW AND NEVER COME BACK!

I love that scene. 

That was one fab dance.

What was that sound? 

*shudder*

Stupid fat hobbit!

It’s still food. 

Po-tay-toes

Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew

Gollum’s so salty. 

Wwwwrrrriggling!

Good gracious. 

Yikesky. 

Oliphaunts!

FARAMIR

Faramir no capture is bad. 

THE DWARF WOMEN YAY!

Eowyn is so great. She laughs at Gimli’s stories. 

She’s got a huge crush on Aragorn though and Roch doens’t appreciate it. 

Too bad bc Roch already has Aragorn’s heart. 

ROCH I CAN’T FIX IT YOU TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND

I hope I don’t pause it somewhere awkward this time. 

That’s deep. 

These are deep movies. 

Roch fix it

RO-O-CH

Eowyn is literally me when I try to talk to my crush. 

Aragorn shall not let her leave (even though he needs to go marry Roch)

Yikesky this is getting bad for Aragorn. 

The horse is displeased. 

WARGS

They look better in TH but I prefer the ones in LotR. 

I prefer everything in LotR. 

Heartless turd Saruman strikes again. 

Shoot something Legolas!

She can too!

You’re being presumptuous, Theoden. 

Eowyn, don’t worry about Aragorn. You belong with Faramir. 

Dramatic horse vault

YAHHHHHHH!

Ooh, nasty. 

Gimli!

Kill it. 

Are you salty, Gimli? 

He’s the salt king. 

Aragorn DESTROY them. 

Craziness. 

ARAGORN!!!

NYOOOOOOOOO!

Decapitate him. 

He doesn’t lie. 

HE HAS THE EVENSTAR THAT’S BAD

Oop here comes hallucination. 

Pay those respects. 

They made it to Helm’s Deep! Yay!

Eowyn is stil sad she couldn’t fight. 

I love the music for this. 

THEY FOUND THEIR PARENTS

A lot of people died. 

Aragorn took a lil tumble off a cliff

He gon be okay.

Don’t you be worrying. 

It’s okay Eowyn you’ll meet Faramir

And there we have that lil gutter that poses a big problem

They need to get rekt. 

Bwahhhh!

THE LAND WILL BE STAINED WITH THE BLOOD OF ROHAN!

TO WAAAAARR!

That was intense. 

They’d better all be in step.

Pippin is so small and innocent and must be protected.

Merry is shocked by everything

As is Pippin now that he sees it

The war has ben started.

Aragorn’s body! Do they not see it?

Arwen, don’t die. Dying is bad.

Awkward kissing…

He looks very dead.

YAS HASUFEL (IS THAT EVEN HASUFEL? I CAN NEVER FIGURE OUT IF IT’S HIM OR BREGO)

IT’S BREGO

Brego is a good faithful horse.

There’s that drama shot of Arwen again.

Yeah, Elrond. She made her choice.

He is too coming back. 

There is still hope. 

We all have to taste that, Elrond. 

Aragorn looks so weird with that age-thingymajigger. 

RIP

Not necessarily. 

Yeah, but can’t she die of grief? 

*single tear*

Multiple tears

She’s crying.

There are things for her here, and death is probably one of them. 

Yeah, shouldn’t Elrond be more important than your boyfriend? 

Oh, here comes the dramatic scene. 

At least I think this is the one I’m thinking of. 

Whatever. Still dramatic. 

Elrond is not pleased for whatever reason.

Oh dear. Galadriel. She confuses me. 

Ya think????!!!

Isengard will kill us all.

The Eye is angry. 

DO NOT TURN TO GONDOR! YOU ALREADY KILLED MY FAVORITE PLACE!

The quest will claim his life…

Elrond and his foresight are great. 

Why does the Ring want Men? 

But Faramir doesn’t want the Ring. Does he? 

That would be bad. 

Elves no! Stay! 

What news from the Mark! Wait, wrong country/city/thing. 

Go. Go save Osgiliath. 

Gondor needs some help. 

Why would they be Orc spies? 

Gardener. 

Frodo, we all know that’s a load of crap. Gollum was too there.

TRIGGERED!

Faramir has been triggered by the name Boromir. 

Ooh, he’s angry. 

Yep, brotherly love. 

Dark brooding looks.

Whisper whisper whisper whisper

That’s suspicious. I forget how suspicious Faramir was in the beginning. 

Gollum, get out of the Forbidden Pool.

Y’all can just kill ‘im. 

UGH THAT SONG DISTURBS ME!

Quit banging the fishy on a rock. 

Ew. 

Smeagol, go with master. 

He looks like a confused puppy.

KILL HIM PLEASE! 

As you can see, I am sick and tired of Gollum. 

Is he okay? 

Faramir is just like “What the crap” 

This is whacked out. 

Is he petting himself?

My precious! 

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Sam, quit encouraging him to use the Ring. 

Sam is usually right. 

You should be sorry. Listen to your best friend. 

Yes, he will. It took you too long to realize that. 

Faramir, quit it.

Faramir, quit it. This is what got Boromir into a world of hurt. 

Why does he suddenly look drunk? 

Faramir’s just like, “Oh crap.” 

NOOO!

Sam is a good friend. 

The mountain of fire. Ominous. 

Please help him. 

The Ring will not go to Gondor. This is exactly what got Boromir killed.

They’d better be in step. Otherwise I’m gonna be angry.

Ride! Ride! 

Something something Brego. That’s all I caught of that sentence.

Gimli, don’t rage. 

Bless you, laddie. 

You’re late. 

You look terrible. I look fabulous. 

Eowyn is happy to see him. 

She returned the Evenstar to him. Good person. 

BUT GO FIND FARAMIR AKA THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE

I’M JUST LOOKIN OUT FOR YA HERE GIRLIE

10,000 is a lot.

To destroy the world of Men.

Oh dear. You’re gonna regret that. 

What a gorgeous view. I want to go to New Zealand.

But they know about the magical gutter o’doom. 

You sure there, buddy? 

Yes, but lives cannot be regained. 

You sure? 

Gimli looks angry. 

Ooh, intense. 

You will be remembered. 

Everyone will come. 

Probably Elves…just saying B)

They were gone…

Into the caves!

Ooh, Entmoot time. 

Tis a gathering. 

Here come a whole ton of Ents

Beech. Oak. Chestnut. Ash. Good. Good. Good.

That’s a lotta Ents.

Go to war! Go to war!

Merry has the same thoughts I do.

This is emotional. 

At least there’s no man dressed like a woman here…*cough cough* Alfrid

They can be soldiers. 

Legolas, you’ve seen about a thousand winters. Just shut up about having seen too few winters. 

They can win this fight. 

ARAGORN WE WERE USING ELVISH FOR A REASON

Theoden is being dark and broody again.

Who am I, Gamling? You should know. 

Legit question. 

Theoden is so confused. 

Left! Left!

Who knows? 

THE OUTER WALL! 

Aragorn, that is not a nice place to sit. 

That little boy seems too young to fight. 

You will live, Haleth, son of Hama. 

Would girls introduce themselves as _______, daughter of ________? Or is that just for men? 

There is always hope. 

That’s a lotta weapons. 

Legolas is disapproving glaring. 

Is that an apology I hear? 

Gimli is awesome. 

Myeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhh!

That horn sounds ridiculous. 

Oh, it was an Elven horn. Sorry Elves. 

Snazzy. 

Elrond sent you? Noice.

Rekindle the alliance! 

Awkward bro hug. 

How many takes do you think that took to get right? 

Stand…perfectly…still.

Gimli is so awesome, especially in this scene. 

Quit being a pessimist. 

They’re just like “Oh great. Rain.” 

Left right left right.

Women and children are scared. 

MYEEEEEEEH!

Rar. 

Heeeeh.

Shall I describe it to you? Or would you like me to find you a box?

Muahhhhhhh! 

Fire away!

That would be terrifying.

I wouldn’t last a day in Middle-earth.

Eeyyyehhhh. 

RAAAAAAAAR!

So it begins.

^^Me on Monday

Release arrows!

volley!

This is crazy awesome. 

Gimli wants to truck someone and he doesn’t care who.

Ladders!

Good!

Bum bum bummmm bum bum bum. 

^^an attempt to sing the song

Was that a Wilhelm Scream? 

That’s how my friends feel when I’m doing schoolwork. “Anna! I’m on number 2 already!” “Nice. I’m on 17.”

Slightly less intense…or should I say ENTense! Eyyyyyyyy. 

Pippin. Why do you look ticked off. 

Pippin is great. 

Treebeard, I think you’re missing the point. 

That’s actually good life advice. 

I love that little shell they made.

Probably not. 

Bring him down, Legolas!

Die, boi!

Oh, that worked. 

RIP anyone on that bridge. 

Splishy splashy in the water .

I don’t think the gate can be braced any more. 

Heroic leap. 

LEGOLAS SURFS ON A SHIELD

TO DEFEND

Helm’s Deep.

Merry is about to slap a…person. 

Not true.

I don’t think he knows the way back home. 

Pip, no. 

Everything. 

The Shire is great…

That’s a deep quote. 

Oh no, they’ve threatened Pip’s home. 

I want to hear a violin cover of this.

To the Keep!

Rip Haldir. 

That’s so dramatic.

Aragorn is depressed. 

Push through that crowd!

A long time would be good. 

Yep, bracing gates is good. 

CHARGE!

You’ll have to toss me. 

Don’t tell the Elf. 

Not a word. 

Aragorn just kinda hurdled it. 

Fwahhhh

RIP.

Keep that gate safe!

GIMLI!

 Handy dandy Legolas. 

Pull im up! 

No! That’s like admitting defeat!

NO YOU HAVE TO GO TO ISENGARD!

That’s some weird logic. “The closer we are to danger, the farther we are from harm.” 

I’m going to live by tht now. 

Pippin has a dangerous plan. 

RIP Osgiliath

Let him go! Let him go! 

Faramir, don’t be cruel and heartless. 

Uh oh. Rage time. 

BWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

He’s out of words. 

R.I.P. Isengard. 

Pip, was this your plan? 

Everyone is going to their doom. 

Last March of the Ents. I like that. 

Oop, that’s bad. 

He’s not okay. 

AGH NO DON’T 

NOT DENETHOR.

ANYONE BUT DENETHOR. 

Sam is raging. 

Frodo looks murderous. 

NNNNNNNAAAAAZZZZGUUULL!

Dude, that’s wraithist. 

Squaaaaaaaaaa!

Everybody run! Everybody hide! They’re comin and they’re killin everybody in sight. 

Defending!

Y’all needed a better hiding space. 

Yes, there’s a lot of death. Your point? 

ah, Gandalf should be coming.

The Horn of Helm Hammerhand..shall sound in the Deep…one last time!

HWAAAA!

Forth Eorlingas!

Get shreked. 

GANDALLLLFF!

AND SHADOWFAXXX!

Whoa. There’s the Riders of Rohan. 

There’s more of them than I thought..

FWAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Thwack. 

Chuck that stone! You go, Ent!

Chuck it, Treebeard!

You forget that Hobbits have a knack for throwing stones.

Spew water everywhere!

RIP. 

Don’t get swept away!

The great river. 

Common sense, Frodo.

Boi. 

DON’T SHOW IT THE RING YOU IDJIT!

Yes, Sam!

Frodo, bad. 

Nope. Because that all came from the movie. 

Ther’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.

Gollum is touched. 

Yay Faramir’s letting them go free!

I love Faramir. 

The battle for Middle-earth is about to begin.

Of course you will, Sam. 

Sam is amazing. 

Samwise the Brave. 

Oh no. 

Oh no no no. 

Wicked. Tricksy. False. 

Don’t kill them!

Okay, that’s violent. 

Talk some sense into yourself.

She could do it. 

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “The Two Towers Live Blog

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s